10 Celebrity Diets That Do Not Exist But Should Vol 2

I was told by a publishing agent that my only hope for having a bestselling diet book is by being a celebrity.  If I had known this I would not have wasted so many years on the science of weight control and counseling people for weight loss.  Well what’s done is done. Instead of becoming a celebrity, I am offering a helping hand to those who are celebrities.  Last year I reached out to celebrities whom I believe have a lot to offer to the fad diet industry.  Their habits seem to lend to important weight control insights that could benefit us all.  I went so far as to draft their diet book concepts in a post I called, 10 Celebrity Diets That Do Not Exist But Should.  Hopefully they heard my call. Anyway, the visionary that I am, I have seen weight loss wisdom in another set of 10 celebrities.  Check it out and let me know which celebrity diet you would like to see hit the bookstores next!

Ryan Seacrest –  Ryan keeps his slim physique by taking advantage of the “keep yourself busy” strategy to weight control.  By having 27 jobs, e.g., radio DJ, host of American Idol, host of Rockin New Years Eve, and Sears shoe salesman (little known fact) to name a few, he literally puts in 24 x 7 = 168 hours of work each week precluding any and all opportunities to eat.  Proposed Title:  WILL NOT WORK FOR FOOD

 

Justin Bieber – Like Ryan, Justin doesn’t let his idol hands eat the devil’s food.  In addition to a thriving pop career, he stays slim by pouring himself into manning 7,323 Twitter accounts.  Unlike Ryan, his program has a much stronger physical activity component because his social media presence is entirely channeled toward provoking tween girls to chase him screaming down the street.  Hate running?   No chance to think about that when you are being chased by 850 Caitlins, Skylers, and Brittneys.  Proposed title:  TWEEN YOUR WAY TO SKINNY

Karl Lagerfeld – Karl’s approach to appearing slim and goooood-looking borrows from the Theory of Relativity.  By insulting others about their weight, he hopes to draw attention to his own stunning looks.  His recent comments suggesting Adele should consider losing weight if she wants to be beautiful and have a successful career has made him look nothing less than brilliant in comparison as is CLEARLY evident in the pics below.   Proposed title:  WANT TO LOOK GREAT? TELL GREAT PEOPLE THEY SUCK.

 

 

 

 

Rihanna and Chris Brown–  Having recently reunited, I can only hope they finally launch their “Dieting for Couples” book series.  We all know that a good lover’s quarrel is a great appetite suppressant. By role modeling the perfect tumultuous relationship, they show us that a 10 pound break-up weight loss is never more than a few weeks away.  Proposed title:  THE “I HATE YOU AND I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN” DIET (PLEASE COME BACK)

ESPN reporter –  We all know desk jobs doom us to a sedentary lifestyle.  ESPN reporters have it the worst because after failing in their own sports dreams, they are forced to watch and comment on the real pro athletes, all while sitting for hours and hours a day.  Watching the pros get fit while you rot away must be tough on the psyche.  Several reporters recently decided to make a drastic change in their lives by lashing out at said athletes, thereby blackballing themselves from the sports industry and all others.  Now they too have very physically active jobs, walking house to house on garbage day collecting cast off returnable soda bottles.  Proposed title: RECYCLE YOUR WAY TO SLIM (don’t miss the epilogue called, GOD I HATE MY LIFE).

Gisele Bundchen – Gisele has left many hints as to her secret to staying so thin via recent rants to her husband’s teammates and rivals, and lashing out against mothers who can’t breastfeed.  She so eloquently demonstrates that repeatedly putting your foot in your mouth is a novel overeating prevention strategy by leaving very little room in your mouth for food.  Who’d have guessed that this is how the super models do it!?  Giselle, more stay lean wisdom please!  Proposed title:  THE “6 FEET TALL PLUS ONE IN MY MOUTH” DIET

Michelle Obama – As a busy first lady, Michelle demonstrates how exercise can be incorporated into almost any activity.  She routinely challenges anyone, anytime to pushup contests.  She has challenged such competitors as Nancy Reagan during a Rose Garden speech, NBC’s Chris Matthews at the White House Press dinner, and most recently, Ellen Degeneres on her show.  See video.  Proposed title:  THE KICK ASS ANYTIME ANYWHERE WORKOUT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89ww9aXrq90

Real Mitt or Robot Mitt?

Mitt Romney – A busy politician must struggle with healthy lifestyle choices being on the road so often, not to mention the pressure of campaigning and an unforgiving press.  Mitt, being former governor of Massachusetts, recently teamed with MIT scientists to create an automaton of himself at his ideal height, weight (and hairdo!) to stand in for him during speeches and debates, while he better utilizes that time pumping iron, going for jogs, planning meals, and cutting up fruit for his lunch the next day. I bet you can’t even tell who is the real Mitt!  Proposed title: iROBOT

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – Although many people think that Dwayne has created his envious physique through hours and hours of gym time, that is only one ingredient in his weight control formula.  His other unique approach to weight control is by smelling his food instead of eating it.  Often heard shouting, “Can you smell what the Rock is cooking???” he attempts to spread this technique to the masses. Dwayne, write the book!  Give us your recipes!  Please wear deodorant!  Proposed title:  TAKE A WHIFF OF THIS

Adele – I sincerely hope she writes a book. What Adele, multi-grammy-winning songstress can teach us about our bodies is that beautiful doesn’t mean skinny, nothing is more important than being true to yourself, nobody can rob you of class and grace, and that the best revenge is….sweet, sweet SUCCESS.  Now THAT’S a book I would read.

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11 Comments

  1. TeamSKC says:

    Wow, I think Rihanna can do much better…http://bit.ly/y3RBVE

  2. john says:

    Great article!

  3. “Can you smell what the Rock is cooking”

  4. There are a lot of good ideas in this post on making healthy life choices. Green superfoods is a real simple and effective way to obtain optimum health.

  5. jamwood says:

    Thanks, great article !!

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  7. danyal says:

    Thanks for your efforts
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